When I was 21 and for some years after that, my best friend was a short busty girl named Joss. Joss and I were inseparable as we liked getting into the same kind of trouble. We met working some shitty retail job and bonded with our mutual love of fucking with people. We took turns staying at each other’s places, listening to Blink 182, watching comedies, cracking jokes and mastering the art of the quasi-platonic spooning technique when we shared a bed. We were so attached to one another that our running joke was that we should go to Vermont and get married. Only we “joked” about it allot and on occasion questioned how difficult it would be in actuality. No matter what we were doing, we were a we, and we had a blast!!
One of my personal faves with Joss was a night of boredom fueled mischief cruising around in her black Daewoo. We were hungry and she was restless so we went out for pizza with the understanding that we’d go find some dudes when we were done. And find some dudes we did, muwahahahah.
James & Matt, two guys a year or so behind me from high school, were out that night as well. They were just burning time and rubber, racing around in Jamess red sports car when we spotted them. Joss instantly chose them as our play things for the night and so, we encouraged the guys to follow us back to my abode. Once we reached my place we hopped out and got in the sports car with them. We didn’t ask questions of each other like where are we going or what would you like to do or what are your thoughts on rape and murder, like pro or con? Instead Joss and I sat along for the ride, listening to loud music as they drove us out to a desolate back road. Totally safe, in fact more young women should follow our shining example. Joss and I squealed as the guys raced up and down the road doing high-speed donuts, only stopping the car periodically when we distracted them with our female wiles and made out with them a bit. We all traded make out partners thru out the night, because we were young, hot and yolo.
After some time we grew tired of trying to maneuver four bodies around the inside of a tiny car so Matt took us all back to my place. When we got there Joss and the guys sat on my day bed while I curled up very circular and kitten like in my big comfy chair. I started to doze off as I listened to Joss make some sort of sexual sounding negotiations that I would apparently be apart of. Full disclosure, not a first for us. I waged a war against sleep and lost, but woke up only 10 minutes later when Joss was tugging me out of the chair by my arm giggling and saying, “Just come here. Trust me! Truuuuust me!”. She pulled me over to one end of the bed and then got on the other end herself with both boys seated in-between us. Joss had apparently struck a deal so that Matt & James would kiss…..each other ………. WITH tongue for 1 minute. I feel like I should explain that Joss had this weird albeit adorable fascination with getting straight dudes to kiss each other & generally speaking guys would refuse her request. This night was a big win for her!
So. In exchange for their gay straight make out sesh the fellas would be allowed to touch our boobs whilst they were kissing, also, when they were done, Joss and I would make out for them a little. Not a big deal for us as that was generally a key negotiating factor with Joss.
I sat there, interested but exhausted while Matt awkwardly pawed at my boobs and kissed his best friend. Thru my daze, the thing I remember even more than these two bros uncomfortable grabbing at our chesticles & sucking face, was the sounds of Joss’s loud guttural laughter. She was dying from excitement that they were actually doing it, tho it wasn’t a sexual excitement, she was just super pumped about how uncomfortable they were. She also made sure to point out to them whom was more enthusiastic with their tongue, all while laughing, shuddering and crying.
It wasn’t the craziest night we ever had, but it was one of the funniest to me because of what Joss said to me moments after they left. The reason she had a serious case of the giggles besides the late hour.
Joss, while clutching her side and still winded, said to me” I would give anything to be a fly on the wall for that car ride home.”
I died and maybe peed a little as the incredibly awkward car ride home together had never even crossed my mind. We laugh-cried ourselves to sleep.
My friend, Joss. ❤ Mean bitch for life. ❤
Pretty polar 